Ever since I found out about my mutation, I have been trying to find the positives. At least I can do something about this, I mean boobs are not everything. Yet, I still feel like I am mourning losing them.

Additionally, I started to feel bad for myself. I feel bad that I have to go through this. It is so easy to pretend like I am completely normal, I mean it’s not like the cancer is already here right? It’s a really strange thing to try to process. At the same time, it feels necessary to acknowledge the truth: I will have a 90% chance of getting breast cancer and the double mastectomy will probably save my life. I can do something about this. I need to take control and do this to save my own life.

When I focus on just losing my breasts, I feel heartbroken and upset, but when I think about saving my own life, it washes away any sadness. Lately I have been repeating to myself, “I am in control, and I will get through this.”