Having surgery for a disease you never officially had is objectively a very odd thing. It’s odd medically, and it’s even stranger mentally. A lot of people you talk to about it (at least in my experience) really don’t understand why you would remove something before it is even cancerous, it is a difficult concept to grasp. A surgery is considered a last resort, and it is considered somewhat radical by a lot of people to do this before even having disease.

This is especially true in American healthcare, considering the healthcare model is based on treatment after acquiring the disease, rather than prevention. After all, we begin blood pressure medication after getting hypertension, not before.

When I first found out about BRCA1+ diagnosis, I had a moment of brief shock and disbelief. I had learned about cancer in all of my pre-medical classes. It’s defined as “unorganized cell growth.” We all know by now, that this is due to genes not replicating correctly, bypassing checkmarks, and going out of control so to say. I realized then, that this process could have already begun in my breasts.

I wasn’t ready to have cancer.

I mean no one ever is, right?

I felt like my breasts were ticking time bombs. I mean who could really predict when this unorganized cell growth turns into full blown cancer? No one could. I decided very quickly that I wanted them removed, I still had a lot more life to live. I never wanted to experience breast cancer.

You know when a bee or wasp flies around your face and you start swatting the air and running away because you don’t want to get stung? That’s how I felt. The quicker they were gone, the better I would feel. This was a ticking time bomb that I could walk away from. And so I did.

Prevention can look dramatic from the outside. From the inside, it can feel like survival.