My surgery was at 3pm.

That detail matters more than it sounds. A 3pm surgery means you are awake all morning with nothing to do but sit there and think about the fact that you are having surgery. It also means you can eat until midnight the night before, which is exactly what I did.

I stayed up with my family eating as much as I possibly could because I knew what was coming. A long, hungry, anxious morning with nothing in my stomach and nothing to do but wait. So midnight found me working my way through as much pizza and sushi as I could physically stomach, like it was some kind of bizarre last meal situation. I regret nothing.

The honest feeling of that night was somewhere between calm and terrified. I had made my peace with the decision a long time ago. I knew why I was doing this. I trusted my team. But knowing all of that doesn’t make the night before surgery feel normal, because it isn’t normal. You are about to go under general anesthesia and wake up with a fundamentally different body. There is no amount of preparation that makes that feel small.

What I kept thinking about was the recovery. Not the surgery itself, not the outcome, but the weeks ahead. The limitations. The pain. The not being able to do the things I normally do. I am someone who moves constantly, who trains hard, who does not sit still well. The idea of being forced into stillness for weeks was almost scarier than the surgery itself.

Eventually the exhaustion won. I passed out without much of a fight, which was probably the best thing that could have happened. My body knew I needed the rest even if my brain wasn’t ready to stop.

A few things I’d tell you about the night before.

Be with people if you can. I was with my family and I’m glad I was. You don’t have to talk about the surgery or have some big meaningful conversation. Just having people around who love you is enough.

Eat a real meal before your cutoff time. Find out exactly when you have to stop eating and make the most of it. I know that sounds ridiculous but you will thank yourself the next day when you’re sitting there starving at noon waiting for a 3pm surgery call time.

Don’t Google anything. You have done your research. Your team is good. There is nothing you are going to find at 11pm the night before that is going to help you. Close the laptop.

Let yourself feel whatever you feel. Scared is okay. Calm is okay. Somewhere in between is okay. There is no correct emotional state for the night before you do something this big. I felt both things at once and that was exactly right for what I was facing.

The morning is going to be long. Get some sleep.