Once I had my surgery date I did what I always do when something big is coming. I stayed busy and I made a list.

I am not someone who processes things by talking about them or sitting with my feelings. I process by doing. So in the weeks leading up to my mastectomy I channeled everything into preparation. Getting organized felt like the one thing I could actually control when everything else felt wildly out of my hands. If I couldn’t stop thinking about the surgery, I could at least make sure I was ready for it.

Here is what I actually did.

I started shopping a few weeks out

Do not wait until the week before. You will be stressed and you will forget things and you will end up paying for two day shipping on a mastectomy pillow at midnight. Start early, build a list, and order things as you go.

Here is what I would tell every woman to get before this surgery.

Front button or zip pajamas. This is non negotiable. After a mastectomy you cannot lift your arms above your head for weeks. Anything that goes over your head is useless to you. Stock up on pajama sets, shirts, and loungewear that opens in the front. Button downs, zip ups, anything with front closure. And this is important, make them old ones you don’t care about or buy black ones. There is a good chance you will get blood on them. Nobody told me that beforehand and I wish they had. Buy more than you think you need because you will be living in them.

A mastectomy pillow. This was one of the most useful things I had and most people don’t know it exists until someone tells them. A mastectomy pillow is a small pillow specifically shaped to tuck under your arm and against your chest. It protects your chest from the seatbelt when you’re riding in a car, which is genuinely painful without it. It supports your arms so your chest muscles aren’t straining. It helps prop you into a comfortable position for sleeping. I used mine constantly for weeks. Get one before surgery, not after.

Dry shampoo. You will not be able to shower normally for longer than you think. Washing your hair requires lifting your arms. Dry shampoo is not optional, it is survival. Get multiple cans. I have tried basically every dry shampoo on the market and K18 is the best one. That is not a sponsorship, that is just a fact.

Body wipes. Same reason. On the days when a full shower isn’t possible, body wipes keep you feeling human. Get the good ones, not the cheap ones.

A wedge pillow or extra pillows for sleeping elevated. You will not be able to sleep flat for a while. Your chest needs to stay elevated and you need to be propped up comfortably. Figure out your sleeping situation before surgery so you’re not improvising at 2am when you’re in pain and exhausted.

Loose front opening bras. Your surgical team will give you specific guidance on what to wear post surgery but in general you want soft, front closing, wireless bras with no underwire and nothing that sits directly on your incisions. Buy a few before you go in.

The stuff nobody tells you to buy

A shower chair or stool if you don’t have one. Even when you’re cleared to shower your stamina will be lower than you expect and standing for long periods is tiring when your body is healing.

Stool softeners and Miralax. Here is something nobody warns you about. Both anesthesia and pain medication cause constipation. That is not one thing working against you, that is two. Get both stool softeners and Miralax before you go in, start the stool softeners before you even leave the hospital, and have Miralax on hand for backup. Just trust me on this one.

Easy to eat food that requires no cooking. Stock your kitchen before you go in. Things you can eat one handed, things that don’t need preparation, things that are gentle on your stomach since anesthesia can leave you nauseous. Think protein shakes, yogurt, soup, crackers, things you actually like that require zero effort.

The emotional prep, or lack thereof

Here’s the honest version. I didn’t do a lot of emotional preparation in any traditional sense. I didn’t journal. I didn’t meditate. I didn’t have long heart to heart conversations about my feelings.

I stayed busy. I made lists. I ordered things on Amazon. I kept moving because stopping meant thinking and thinking too hard about what was coming felt counterproductive to me at the time.

I’m not saying that’s the right approach for everyone. It’s just what worked for me. I knew what I was doing and why I was doing it and I trusted my team. At a certain point there was nothing left to think through. The decision was made. The date was set. The only thing left to do was show up.

What I will say is that the busyness of preparing actually helped more than I expected. Every thing I checked off the list was one less thing to worry about on the other side. I went into surgery knowing my house was ready, my supplies were stocked, and I had done everything I could do.

That felt like enough.